Nonverbal Communication for Business, Part 2: Fundamentals
Introduction:
Mastering nonverbal communication will make you more successful in your career. In Part 1, we introduced the importance of learning nonverbal communication. Now, let's go deeper into practical methods to demonstrate competence, confidence, and likeability.
Observation and Self-awareness
To effectively communicate nonverbally, you must train yourself to be an observer rather than getting caught up in your own thoughts (another benefit of meditation). By paying attention to others' nonverbal cues, reflecting on your own communication, and adjusting your behavior accordingly, you can communicate more effectively.
This information is based on what I’ve learned from others and then how I’ve applied it. I have learned from the greats and encourage everyone to go into more detail by reading the resources linked below. My goal is to give you a taste of how this works practically so that you can begin applying immediately. Then you can learn as you practice, or Learn In Real Life, some might say.
Reading People
When observing, you are looking to identify someone’s feelings and emotional states. By reading their emotional state, you can better understand how they feel about an issue or a person above what they are saying.
What’s surprising is how many people around you are very anxious for significant parts of their life. Noticing this will give you more empathy in your interactions. But I’ve also found nothing that invokes more confidence in myself than learning that everyone else is frequently nervous.
One rule of thumb when observing: Identifying one cue doesn’t confirm anything. You are looking for clusters of two or three. Crossing her arms can mean she’s frustrated, but it can also just mean she is cold. Shaky, dancing legs might mean he is nervous, but it also might mean he needs to go to the bathroom.
Feeling/Emotional State:
Identifying Confidence:
Confidence is an important trait to display in business settings. Look for the following cues: tall, straight, and relaxed posture; genuine smiles; relaxed shoulders; even tempo speech and low voice tone. Vanessa Van Edwards highlights that confidence is conveyed by how much distance there is between your ears and shoulders.
Identifying Nervousness or Fear:
When someone is nervous or fearful, they may exhibit fast talking (although sometimes it's just due to coffee) at a higher tone, low eye contact, fidgeting, restless legs, self-soothing behaviors like hands in pockets, twirling a necklace or rubbing the opposite arm while they talk.
Spotting Discomfort:
Look for crossed arms/legs, turning the body away, hunched posture, and minimal eye contact.
Recognizing Anger :
Indications of anger may include some discomfort signals along with furrowed brows, flared nostrils, tense body posture, aggressive gestures, and there may be intense eye contact.
Signs of Happiness:
Look for genuine smiles that contract around the eyes, often seen as crow’s feet, and raised cheeks are happiness signals. A happy person will use open body language, lots of eye contact, and is more likely to use physical touch. A happy person might have a lot of movement in their body (excitement), similar to a nervous person, but the difference is written all over their face.
(Photos Taken in My Friends’ Garage)
Eliminating Negative Cues
As you observe these behaviors in others, you'll start noticing them in yourself as well.
The first step to displaying positive nonverbal cues is to eliminate the negative ones. Catch yourself when crossing your arms or engaging in self-soothing behaviors, and revert to a calm, relaxed posture. Eliminate your fidgets. Relax your face. Remember the Amy Cuddy principle: eliminating these habits not only makes you look more confident but helps you feel more confident. Furthermore, an open, relaxed body posture will automatically lower your voice tone and make you sound more confident.
Striving for Charisma/Likeability
In addition to confidence, likeability and charisma are crucial for effective communication.
Charisma can be seen as a combination of presence, power, and warmth, as laid out by Olivia Fox Cabane. However, for simplicity, we'll focus on a two-part scale: warmth and competence, as described by Vanessa Van Edwards.
Balancing Warmth and Competence:
When interacting with people, aim to balance warmth cues and competence cues.
Warmth cues include smiling, handshakes, hugs, eye contact, open body language, active listening, and responding with facial gestures appropriately.
Competence cues involve maintaining upright posture, dressing professionally, displaying open body language, controlling facial expressions (don’t furrow your brows all the time), using a consistent and appropriate voice tone, and employing hand gestures purposefully (steeple, don’t fidget).
When you feel like you’ve gone too far in one direction, use a cue in the other direction to bring balance. For example, if you just told a killer joke, don’t follow it up with another, but sit back relaxed and actively listen to others. If you just effectively made a point in a meeting, throw in a smile.
Practice and Application
Now that you understand the basics, it's time to observe and practice.
Start looking at every interaction as an opportunity to watch and learn. We’re not turning ourselves into robots here. As you practice, it will become second nature. You’ll start feeling off balance when you display negative cues and reposition yourself to feel more comfortable.
Our next edition will explore how these nonverbal communication skills come together in various workplace scenarios, starting with the interview.
Additional Resources/Tips:
Olivia Fox Cabane’s The Charisma Myth,
Joe Navarro’s What Every Body is Saying,
Allan Pease’s The Definitive Book of Body Language
Consider Purchasing a Posture Corrector
Stop Cowering Over Your Phone and Start Looking at it Like James Bond
